Shop Talk

     Shop talk.  Every job has its jargon.  At my job, its not uncommon for me to send the veterinarian out  to Bang a bunch of heifers.  Hold on.  Hold on.  Before your mind starts painting you an image that will make you stop reading right here, let me define what Banging a bunch of heifers means.   "Bangs" is office slang for vaccinating heifer calves, between four and twelve months of age, against Brucellosis (this is an infection in cattle which can cause a decrease in milk production, abortions, weight loss, loss of young, infertility, lameness and it is transmissible to humans).
     Last week, I got a good lesson in shop talk by one of our Portuguese dairy farmers (the same gentleman from A Thorough Gentleman).  He stopped in to pick up some medication and I asked him if he had been able to see his brand new baby grandson much.   He said that he is so busy at the dairy that he has not had any time visit his grandson.  He told me that he had asked his daughter to stop by the dairy so he could get to see him. She told him that she had to breast feed the baby and every few hours and was a bit shy about doing it around anyone. 
    I told him that it probably wouldn't make him uncomfortable being that all he does all day long and everyday of his life is milk cows and goats.  He got all excited and yelled "That's right! I see tits all day long!" 
     Okay, now hold on again.  Let me explain before your mind paints a picture that is going to make you stop reading right now and think badly about the farmer.  Tits is dairymen shop talk for teats, the things hanging off an udder where the milk comes out. 

Put a bra on those things!

     Although it's a rough sounding word (not one of my personal favorite terms to describe what my bra holds up) to him it simply means teats on a cow that just mean work for him.  Anyhow, as he is in the office yelling,"I see tits all day long! Cow tits! Goat tits!  There are tits everywhere!  All I do is milk tits! I could care less if..." in walks one of our young, female, conservative beef rancher clients...right into the middle of his tit epiphany.  The dairyman hardly noticed her until he saw me look over at her then back to him.  When he saw her standing there looking at him with her jaw dropped to the floor he all of a sudden froze like a deer in headlights.  He gave me a terrified look, grabbed the medicine off the counter and blew out the door. 

     What have you learned from this story?  I don't know. But if you come into the office and you hear us talking about having to yank on some tits and bang a bunch of heifers... you now know that we simply have to milk some cows and vaccinate some calves for brucellosis to provide the world with safe and well managed dairy products. 

"Is the vet coming to bang you today?" the black and white cow asked the brown and white heifer.

"Yes, after I'm done yanking on your tits."

Translation...

"Is the vet coming to vaccinate you for Brucellosis today?" the black and white cow asked the brown and white heifer.

"Yes, after I'm done milking you."

 

 

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Copyright (c) 2013 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com June 5, 2013