Punching Out Old Ladies

     I was shopping at Costco a few weeks ago, when the first incident occured.  I was on a mission, trying to eat my membership fees back at the free sample stations, while swinging in for a few items.  I found what I had come in for, 30 pounds of kitty litter that was shoved all the way back under the shelf.  I scooted half way into the shelf and heaved out the thirty pound bucket of lemon scented litter for my cats to crap on.  In doing so, I nailed an old lady that had shuffled behind me.  She swung around with fire blazing in her eyes.  "Oh my God! I'm so sorry!  I didn't see you standing behind me."
     "You hit, me!" she snorted.
      "I'm sorry, you weren't standing behind me just then.  Are you okay?"
     "You need to be more careful!  You hit me!" She hissed.
     An old saying my mom used threaten me with as a kid flared up with my rising temper...I'll give you something to cry about!  I looked right back into her seething eyes and I told her "You walked behind me.  You were not paying attention!"  I held my stare until she gave a stuck up little "humf", turned around and headed towards the 50 pack of toilet paper.  That's right Cruella Deville, go buy your toilet paper. 
     I bought my thirty pound bucket of lemon scented litter for my cats to crap on and headed to the regular super market.  I had my shopping cart in fifth gear and was peeling out of the toilet paper aisle when grandma death shuffled into my way.  I swerved my cart to a halt and when she looked into my eyes I could see rage and fear fighting to take her over.  You again, I thought.  There we stood, hands on our holsters, as a tumble weed blew with whistle that sang the theme to this being a one horse toilet paper town.  I held my gaze and she backed down the cracker aisle.  That's right, giddy up.

That's right!  I ain't afraid to hit you old lady!  Oh wait. Gary Busey?  I can't hit Gary Busey, can I? I don't know what the rules are on that one.

     The second incident happened at work.  My favorite, late 70 something ranching couple came in after requesting an appointment with me, oh yeah, and the doctor, to ejaculate their bulls for semen testing (you can get the scoop on ejaculating bulls at It's As Bad As It Sounds Job).  We chased the first bull through the alleyway and into the squeeze chute where he proceeded to blow up.  He was throwing his own rodeo in there.  I wasn't sure if that chute was going to make it 8 seconds.  I had to get a bar slid behind him to keep him from backing out and loosing him.  The doctor held on to the squeeze lever essentially holding the bull in place.  As we were fighting to secure the bull the rancher's wife shuffled in between us to help(?).  The bull, rip snorting, and hee hawing slammed back against the bar that I had half way behind him.  I gave it a shove with all my guts and glory and splosh!  My elbow hit into something soft and bam!  Lift off.  It was the rancher's wife! Slow motion kicked in as I watched her s-l-o-w-l-y  fly backwards,tripping over the doctor who was bracing against the raging bull.  She landed flat on the concrete floor.  Oh-my-GOD!!!!!!!! 
    I thought for sure she must have broken her hip or leg or back...  Before we could forget about the bull and pick her up, she was up on her feet.  She was fine minus being a little embarrassed.  She kept her cool and went on like it never happened.  She waved off my apology wanting to forget it even happened.      
    Now she's the real deal.  She is one tough cookie.  If I was coming out of the toilet paper aisle and came up against her in a good ol' western toilet paper stand off, you can bet your boots I'd tip my hat to her as I backed down into the cracker aisle.

Thanks for reading!  I started a Facebook group page for the blog.  Just look up Jackson Hill Horsey Girl Blog.  There are so many cool readers that have a love for horses, animals and stories with extreme spelling errors and grammatical errors.  There are many of you who are talented artists, graphic designers, photographers, writers...  It may be a cool way for you to make some connections and show off your animals and talents. 
If you would like to leave a comment or to be added to my mailing list please contact me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@aol.com
Copyright (c) 2012 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com July 19, 2012