Forgiveness Is Divine

     With another horse show on it's way in mid August, Autumn and I are back in the arena practicing.  At this upcoming show I plan on entering Autumn in some cantering classes on purpose (Get the last horse show scoop at Bucket List).  Early before work, we have been trying to perfect picking up the canter on cue and staying in it without me having to squeeze her all the way around the arena.  Granted, the workout I get while trying to keep Autumn cantering might make it possible for me to pulverize Suzanne Somers' thigh master into unrecognizable pieces   The problem is, it is just not a motivating exercise to get me out of bed at five in the morning. 

Not interested!

   To help with our training, I studied up on the latest training techniques and philosophies gleaned from books and videos.  Catchy phrases like "Be black and white", "Get the job done" "If they do it wrong that means that you have taught them to know it wrong"... If I was going to do this I needed to be clear in what I was asking her to do.  I needed it to be perfect even though I've never done it before.  I needed her to get it right away to make her learn it right.  The normal excitement I usually felt before riding Autumn was being invaded by a dreary shadow of anxiety. I even got something called an English Spanker to tie to my English saddle.  It is used to give the horse a little spank to motivate them to go or to keep on going if needed. 
   On one particular morning, as fog smothered the arena, we began our warm up.  We trotted and practiced jumping over some small fences.  I would have been happy to end on just that, but I knew I had to practice picking up the canter.  The thing that bothers me most about cantering in our arena is that it is small with short turns and Autumn is big and long.  I know it's hard for her to balance through the turns while she is gaining her confidence at that speed. 
    I took a deep breath, thought about the rhythm of the canter...1...2...3...1...2...3...,gave her a squeeze and she picked it up with ease.  I asked her for only one lap and let her slip back to a trot.  Then I asked her to repeat it again in the other direction and she did it just as well as the first try.  Of course, I wanted to end on that and so did she but I knew we should do it a few more times for practice. 
    Again, I took a deep breath.  Again I counted out the rhythm of the canter...1...2...3...1...2...3..., gave her a squeeze but this time she just increased the speed of her trot. While my brain was being shaken and not stirred "Get the job done! Be black and white!" chimed in.  I picked up that English spanker and gave her a few slaps.  Her trot went into warp speed but still no canter.  I gave her a few more slaps and she hit A.D.D-hyper-psycho-trot-on-crack speed. The job still wasn't getting done. I gave her a kick, drove my seat into her and felt my patience abandon ship.   After one more "Get the job done!" spank, she threw up her head.  I slowed her back down to a walk.  My face was burning with anger.  Not with her but with me.  I knew that she couldn't figure out how to pick up a canter at that speed.  I knew I should have slowed her down and tried again.  And I ignored it.  I ignored what Autumn was telling me.  She was trying to figure it out but was just physically unable to do it.  What a huge jerk I was! I was more worried about getting the job done so I could pick up the canter in the show ring that I became mommy dearest.  
   Autumn's eyes sank into dark pools of sadness and confusion.  She tried her hardest and she got spanked.  I had to do something to make her feel better quick!  So, I asked her to hop over her favorite little jump.  When she landed I gave her big pets, hugs and  kisses and jumped off and gave her a cookie.  I apologized to her and promised that I would listen to her always when she was trying her hardest.  She perked up and happiness sparkled back in her eyes. 
     She didn't bring up the "black and white" lesson from hell on our walk to the pasture that day. She wasn't mean to me. She just let it go. As disappointed and shameful as I felt about that ride that day, I think that if I could erase it right now I wouldn't.  Autumn taught me some very important things from that ride...I need to listen to her and know when she's trying her hardest.   I need to use my heart and my mind to train her, not my goals, not slogans, not my anxieties.  I need to let her forgiveness give me the chance to never to treat her that way again. 

My great friend and teacher.

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Copyright (c) 2012 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com July 11, 2012