Kung Fu Chicken

     Back in New York, I would occasionally help my friends out by watching their farm when they would head out of town.  They had horses, dogs, a bunch of cats, newts(little lizards) and chickens. Before leaving for a weekend away my girlfriend went over all the to-do's and not-to-do's.  After the sixth time of telling me that I had to lock up all 12 of the chickens at night so the raccoons wouldn't kill them, I got the hint that this was a big deal.  If even a single chicken got killed her little boys would be traumatized. Got it.  Get all 12 of the chickens in at night.   She said to let them out in the morning and at night all I had to do was simply shake a can of cracked corn and they would all come running.  She even gave me a demonstration which proved true as she rattled the can and all the little cluckers ran into the safty of their hutch. 
     My friends left and I assumed the leading roll to their routine.  The day rolled out easy enough minus a dead squirrel floating in the water trough which I had to scoop out with a pitchfork.  As the day rolled to a close I fed the horses, dogs, cats and newts, leaving the chickens for last.  Sure enough, I gave their little corn can a shake and the girls came running in.  I shut the gate and called it a day.
     The next morning dawned on another routine day minus two more squirrels dead in the water trough.  With the squirrels scooped out and the sun now setting I fed the horses, dogs, cats, newts and headed to the hen house.  I shook the magic corn can, opened the gate and no hens.  Hum....maybe they couldn't hear me.  I walked all around the barnyard but there wasn't a feather to be found.   I went into the woods and shook the can with not even a rustle.  The sun was setting and anxiety was rising within me.  I went deeper and deeper in the woods.  I called the girls as I frantically shook the corn can.  I heard a rustle behind me and turned around as squawking chicken blitzed past me running for its life.  As much as I wanted to turn tail and take that chicken's unspoken advice to run like hell for the barn a vision of my friend popped in my head...."the boys will be traumatized."  I sucked it up and did the thing that you always yell at the idiot not to do in the horror movie...I headed the way the chicken came running from.  I shook the corn can and headed towards the rustling.  Out of the shadows a chicken came blasting past me with a ninja in hot pursuit. In a full black ninja getup, complete with a face mask revealing only his eyes, the ninja zig and zagged through the trees, rolling under low branches and making dives to catch the chicken.

No rubber chickens were harmed in the taking of this photo.

I was frozen in place.  There was rusteling in all around me.  In the darkness I could make out another eight ninjas that were all chasing the chickens.  I reviewed if there was any possibility that I was dreaming or if I had acciedentally taken LSD or mushrooms for the first time without remembering it. Nope.  None of the above.  This was the real deal. Ninjas and chickens were darting around like...well...like chickens with their heads cut off.  My body decided to screw standing around waiting for my mind to figure out what was going down.  I chucked the corn can and began running for my life before some crazy ninja had a chance to get all crouching tiger, hidden dragon on me.
     The black tight warriors were air kicking, ninja rolling and teenage mutant ninja turttling all around me. But it wasn't me they wanted.  They wanted chicken.   I bolted toward the lights of the barn with the chickens, which at this point, had decided to put their faith in me, and clucked, hawked, squawked, pooped and shot out eggs all over the place...okay not eggs.  The ninjas were karate kidding it behind us as they were eating our dust.  The girls and I burst out of the woods and into the light.  They ran straight into their pen, no corn can shaking required.  I slammed their door shut, not missing a stride, as I busted into the house, locked all the doors and windows. 
     I wanted to call my dad.  I wanted to call the police. But what was I going to tell them?  "I need you to come out right away!  There are a bunch of ninjas chasing my chickens in the woods!" Instead of having the cops or my dad come out and wonder what kind of drugs I was on I decided to peak out the living room curtain with the fire place poker, the cordless phone and the dogs next to me all night.
I didn't sleep much that night fearing that there were a bunch of Jackie Chans and Chuck Norris' crawling up the side of the house.  The morning finally came and I peaked out the door.  Everything looked normal except two more squirrels drank the cool aid and were floating in the water trough.  I cautiously walked over to the hen house and all 12 of the exhausted girls were passed out in their nests.  I opened the gate and none of them went out.  I threw their feed in the hutch and closed the gate.
By mid noon, my friends returned.  I was rolling it over in my mind how I wanted to mention my night with the power rangers.  My girlfriend saved me the trouble when she said, "I forgot to tell you that my neighbor who is a Kung Fu instructor was going to have his students train in the woods this weekend to practice their moves or something like that." 
"Do some of their skills involve chasing chickens?" 
"Yeah, you know he said something about them trying to catch running chickens.  Why?" she asked.
"They suck at it."


Thanks for reading!  Yes this really happened.  I'm not creative enough to make something like that up.  If you would like to get in touch with me or to get added to the email list for the blog contact me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@aol.com.


Copyright (c) 2012 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com  June 27, 2012