A Long Way Down

When I first started riding Autumn I would just clip some reins on her halter, find a trunk of a car to climb up and then I'd climb up on Autumn.  I had no fear up there.  I rode her in the woods, through rivers, over bridges, on the beach, in the ocean, in the arena...everywhere bareback.  She did great. 
Then it happened...The fall.
I ran up to the barn one morning and rode Autumn up to the pasture.  I had a few extra minutes so I let Autumn graze in the few remaining green spots that survived the dry summer.  As I sat on her, I thought about the crummy garage sale I was about to have in a few hours.   I sat on Autumn swirling in the dread of the event when something spooked her.  She did a small jump to the side that headed me straight into making an uninsured introduction with the ground.  In my slow motion decent all I could think was I hope this isn't going to be expensive.  I splatted on the dirt and the ground stunned my left side.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I could barely move my arm.  I gave to quick look around to make sure that no one witnessed the lamest fall on the planet and let a few tears fall.  Autumn stared at me with a look that said Seriously?  You fell off of me from that little spook? 
Yeah Autumn, I obviously did!  It was all because I was thinking of that stupid garage sale I have to have.
 Then it was written all over her face  What were you doing thinking about the stupid garage sale when you are riding me?
Of course she was right.  I limped her to the pasture gate, gave her hug and kiss and let her loose with her friends. 
As more movement restored itself to my arm I thought back to my younger days flipping ass over tea kettle jumping horses over fences at a hand gallop and not being able to remember the ground hurting so much.  Then the quote came drifting back to me that I heard from the older equestrians back then...The older you get the less you bounce.  Yep, they had that one right. 
Well, I did get back in the saddle...bareback anyways.  I rode her and at first I still felt pretty confident but then...things started to change.  I became the hypothetical hypochondriac. I began to imagine every possible way I could fall off of Autumn.  What if a dog jumped out of the bushes and scared her?  What if a motorcycle went by and slid out and crashed into us?  What if a mountain lion attacked us?  What if Sarah Palin was in town flying over us in a helicopter trying to shoot wolves and took us out?  Like I said, it was getting bad. 
I would get myself worked up into a fit of panic.  I began to talk myself out of riding Autumn bareback altogether.  I could ride her in a saddle and feel confident but at the same time I  missed the closeness and freedom of riding her bareback.  I read books and articles on how to overcome my fear... breathing techniques, singing, mediation but nothing would work.  I would clam up and Autumn could feel it.   I could tell that my fear was making her scared.  Then my fears started to play out through her.  When she thought that I was scared she thought that there must be something out there worth being scared about.  I made a decision to just ride in a saddle and hopefully my fear would disappear with more time on top of her. 
That garage sale was now two years behind us when I was sitting in the audience of Cavalia. Cavalia is basically Cirque Du Soleil with horses and acrobatics as it's stars. It is wild, beautiful and I recommend that everyone see it if they can.  Anyhow, as I was being dazzled by all the horses one act caught my eye.  The performers were vaulting off a giant Belgian.  As the Belgian horse cantered his performers would swing, tumble, sit stand and  flip all over him with the help of a surcingle with handles (basically a belt that wrapped around the horse's heart girth with handles on top side of his back).
The gears started churning in my head and when I got home I hit he web.  It took me only seconds for one of these handled vaulting surcingles to pop up and it just happened to be on sale.  It was fate giving me a new set of training wheels.  I clicked it into my shopping cart and one week later I had my handle bars!

Climbing back on the horse again!

I snuck out to the arena at first light and took Autumn for a test ride in them.  The confidence meter had it's first flicker of life.  Next day, Autumn and I hit the trail.  Day by day my confidence tank was filling up despite the people at the ranch having a great time making fun of my handle bars.  They wanted to know when my first performance would be and if I could do a tumbling demo for them.  I just had to suck it up and take the abuse like grown woman riding a horse with handles.
Then I decided, on my Christmas Eve ride on the beach with Cindy and Syria to leave the saddle at home.  I fastened my confidence bars onto Autumn, found a beached log to climb up on her and we headed for the sea.  I was still a bit nervous but Autumn walked me through it and then she trotted me further through it. The ride was lovely and I can remember that I took a deep breath and asked Autumn to take care of me.  I gave her a squeeze and she gently cantered me along the sea's edge.  Autumn carried me away from the day of that crappy garage sale and into one of the best rides she ever gave me.  She's such a great and patient friend!  So is Cindy for being seen with me in public with my handles!  Thanks Cindy!

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