Job Security

For most people, job security is dependent upon the economy, employee work skills, current business conditions and/or if your protected by a union.  At the veterinary office my job security usually falls...make that...plops on the ground.


Job Security...it happens.



Poop, pee, pus, blood, hay, pizza, salami and the occasional testicle falling from somewhere for me to clean up makes me an important team player at the office.  The poop, pee, bodily fluids in general, are a normal part of the job but when things start showing up out of nowhere...now that's when it becomes unusual. 
I was out in one of the pens cleaning up after a horse that had left for the day.  I was in my space out mode, dumping buckets, scooping poop, enjoying the sunshine and not answering the phones when something pink fell from the sky.  Down at my feet was a horse testicle.  I looked up at the sky, turned in a 360 degree circle, then stopped and looked at the testicle laying at my feet.  I didn't hear the weather forecast that day but I'm sure it wasn't sunny with a slight chance of testicle.  My best guess was that one of our local crows snatched it up during the castration surgery we did outside earlier. He must have grabbed it when we were finishing up the procedure and saved it to drop it on my head later. 
On another occasion,  I was getting the office open for the day when I heard some scratching above me in the surgery room.  I looked up at the sky light and this bloody, gooey looking thing was splattered on it.  I tried to stop myself from taking a second look but I can't help watching a good train wreck so I did.  There pecking and tearing into it was a big black crow.  He lifted it in his beak and right before I thought I was going to throw up in my mouth I was able to get a better look at what it was.  It was...a slice of pizza...with peperoni on it.  At eight in the morning I had no idea where he found an open pizza place.  Maybe it was one of those take and bake pizzas.  I was just glad it wasn't guts and I didn't have to climb up on the roof on the piece of crap rickety ladder to clean it up.
The fattest little pygmy goat came in for a visit to the office one day for a routine check up.  The doctor was running a little late from an appointment out in the country so we put the little guy in a stall for the meantime.  The owners stayed close by their little house pet's side until their appointment was finished.  After they left, I went out to the barn to tidy up.  As I entered the stall my eyes immediately noticed meaty looking clumps in the corner.  He was just here for a check up I thought.  Did I totally space out that they were doing some kind of surgery?  I approached the clumps with trepidation.  What the heck was that?  I bent down lower and realized that I was looking at sliced salami, Fig Newtons and biscotti.  Not the usual suspects found in a stall of grazing animal.  I went in the office and asked the doctor if she knew what was up with the picnic left in the barn.  She said that the owners kept the chubby little goat in the house and he ate everything they did. The wife baked him cakes, fed  him Twinkies, steak, pizza, crackers, gourmet cookies... The crows around the office would love to live with that family!  The doctor advised them that a diet of this nature was not safe for a goat or for a human for that matter.  I guess they took the doctors advice because he hasn't been back for high blood pressure yet.
So, as long as there is poop to scoop, testicles falling from the sky and goat picnics to clean up...it looks like my job is safe.

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