An Ode to Susie

  I had a major blow this week.  I lost my Honey Badger at work aka Susie.  Susie just got a new job teaching at the community college and is leaving the veterinary hospital.  I gave her the Honey Badger nickname based off the amazing YouTube video "The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger".

 

   Susie is just like the honey badger.  She just doesn't give a sh*t, but yet, she does. 
    We really hit it off working together.  We have a lot in common like loving to say the "F" word. We even dialed 1-800- F#*k-you to see who would answer.  Surprising to us, but in reality we probably shouldn't have been, was that it was a porn number.  Luckily, we never got questioned by our bosses on why a porn number was on the phone bill. 
    When Susie and I got together our creative energies merged into a colossal dynamic force of nature.  We thought up a cool new online dating site for mules that we would call "Get Some Ass".  After we went to an art gallery for a photo exhibit and saw how crappy and lame the photos were and how much money they were asking we decided that we could totally do our own show.  At the office we kept the camera handy for any inspiring images.  Quickly the memory card filled with cow diarrhea swirling down the drains or plastered on the railings, or stuck on the wall in the fading light of day.  These ideas are still a work in progress because we are what I'd like to call, unmotivated perfectionist.
    We always had each other's back on the job.  We always thought of the song "That's What Friends Are For" by Dionne Warwick as our sound track to our friendship except we made some changes.  The normal song lyrics were as follows:
Keep smiling, keep shinning,
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for 
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for...

Our version went a little something like this...

I'll pick up the bull testicles on the floor
Hold down smelly billy goats getting castrated
Do sand fecal tests full of tapeworms for you 
And I will call the police when some dirtbag poops next to our building in the middle of the day
Oh yeah, and point out boogers in your nose, for sure
That's what friends are for...
   We found humor in a lot of situations like the time we turned on our computers and had an announcement that it had been taken over by a virus called "Shit86".  We laughed ourselves on the floor as everyone else was having a breakdown.  Now when anything goes to hell we just say it's one of those Shit86 days. 
    Susie is the kind of friend that bakes you cookies on a Monday morning.  I am the kind of friend to her that while dialing 911, will try to run over a crazy maniac pounding on the front door cursing at her, that one morning, without a second thought...He's lucky he ran when he saw the I haven't had enough caffeine to deal with your shit86 crap this morning  look I gave him. 
    We now have a standing lunch date on Wednesdays to catch up on all the Shit86 that has been going on in each others lives. I love Susie and will miss her in the office. Good luck in your new job Susie and (imagine I am saying this in the world's crappiest Irish accent)... Top of the morning to ya!

Thanks for reading!  If you would like to contact me or to be added to my mailing list please email me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@aol.com.

Copyright (c) 2014 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com September 3, 2014