Saying Goodbye

     Autumn and I lost a very close little horse friend, Carmen, last weekend.  She was a dainty little bay Arabian that cantered on air on the tips of her twinkle hooves across the mountain pastures.  Autumn weighed over three times as much as her little friend but that didn't stop Carmen from keeping her in line. 
    When Autumn first met Carmen, she was at the bottom of the pecking order being the youngest horse in the pasture.  Carmen was one of the popular girls and didn't have time to put up with baby Autumn and would chase her off if she came near.  As the years passed Carmen had to have an eye removed due to an injury.  After she had healed from her surgery she was turned back out in pasture.  When she went out to her herd of friends they all swished her away.  There was only one horse that let her come close and that was Autumn.  Autumn, not used to Carmen coming up to her to be nice got scared and blasted Carmen right in the shoulder and got out of her way.  I almost died thinking Autumn broke her shoulder or something.  Autumn stood wide eyed looking at Carmen like why aren't you kicking my ass back like normal? Carmen stood there like Want to hang out? and then that was it.  They became best friends forever...with no broken bones.  Carmen and Autumn could always be found together grazing happily in the pasture.  If they were turned out separately they would whinny to each other.  I grew to know Carmen's call for her and her owner knew Autumn's as well.  
    Not only did Autumn and Carmen become closer but so did my relationship with her owner, Elizabeth.  We would take the girls for rides at first light.  We would ride through the freezing winter rains.  We rode at the beach.  We would zigzag through the forest up to the top of the mountain to see the ocean and the river below.  We rode through seas of waving daises in the summer.  Autumn and Carmen let us talk politics, aliments, news, travel dreams and blah, blah, blah.  It was always great fun. 
     Carmen would follow Autumn and I as we rode the trails if Elizabeth was not around.  She would sometimes lag behind to eat some grass and canter to catch up when she lost sight of us.  I would bring her to my house with Autumn to help mow my lawn. 

My favorite lawn mowers! Autumn is on the left and Carmen is on the right.

     One time I took her to the arena when I was working Autumn at liberty and set her loose.  I practiced having Autumn go over obstacles and when she did something correct I would give her a treat.  As I was focused on Autumn I happened to notice Carmen going over some of the obstacles and when she decided that she had done them correctly she came up to me and waited for her treat.  That was Carmen. 
     Carmen and Autumn were always there for each other when they were sick or hurt.  When Autumn injured her stifle and couldn't go out in the pasture and had to stay on flat ground, Carmen was there to keep her company.  Whenever Carmen got some weirdo aliment when her owner went out of town Autumn was there for her. 

Carmen (right) there for her best friend, Autumn, as she was recovering from her stifle injury.

    Sadly, a few weeks ago Carmen got sick.  She had to go to the veterinary hospital for treatment for a few days and returned back to the stable.  I hurried and brought Autumn in from the pasture to see her best friend.  I lead Autumn up to her stall.  Carmen poked her little head through the door.  They gently brought their muzzles close to each other not quite touching and they sort of just... I don't really know how to explain it.  They embraced each other in their breathing.  I could feel it.   Carmen gave Autumn her peacefulness and Autumn understood.  When they finished Autumn quietly went to her stall. I didn't understand at the time why it seemed so serious a greeting for her friend finally being at home.  I sat in Autumn's stall on an overturned bucket to read my book and I just started to cry.  I just had a funny feeling that overwhelmed me.   Autumn, stopped eating and nuzzled my cheek.  She wiggled her little lip until I wiped my eyes and pet her face.  Autumn.  Her soul leaves me speechless at times. 
     A few days later, Carmen had to go back to the hospital, with Elizabeth by her side for another week. Then she came home one last time to say goodbye to her friends.  When she came back to the ranch, the fog cleared for a blue skied, mountain embraced, daisy dotted day.   Autumn and her shared the pen together and the rest of her horse buddies were in the pens around her.  Carmen chased Autumn away from the hay spread around and looked very pleased with herself.  She was happy to be with her friends, horses and people.  As the day began to set the veterinarian came to give Carmen her peace.  Autumn was their as Carmen left her for her new pasture in the sky. 
     I cried because of my loss of my little friend that I loved like Autumn.  I cried for my friend Elizabeth who lost her best friend that she loved and cared for so deeply.  I cried for Autumn who lost her great friend that she loved and trusted so much. 

Goodbye Carmen.  We love and miss you so much! 

This is a song by the Drive By Truckers Little Pony And The Great Big Horse that reminded me of Autumn and Carmen.

My friend Lisa B. sent me this poem when her great friend Dakota, whom she loved so much, passed away.

Don’t Cry for the horses
That life has set free
A Million White horses
Forever to be.
Don’t cry for the horses
Now in God’s hands
As they dance and they prance
To a heavenly band
They were ours as a gift
But never to keep
As they close their eyes
Forever to sleep
Their spirits unbound
On silver wings they fly.
A million white horses against the blue sky.
Look up in the heavens you’ll see them above.
The horses we lost
The horses we loved.
Manes and tails flowing
They gallop through time
They never were yours
They were never mine
Don’t cry for the horses
They will be back someday
When our time has come
They will show us the way.
Do you hear that soft nicker close your ear?
Don’t cry for the horses
Love the ones that are here
~author unknown

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Copyright (c) 2013 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com July 24, 2013

B ST(i)LL

   "Pony Club presents Daniel Stewart's Sport Psychology Seminar.  A humorous and upbeat seminar teaching stress management, goal setting, positive thinking and visualization techniques to help riders maximize success, focus, enjoyment and confidence by learning how to minimize stress, nerves, distractions & show jitters.  Thursday at 6pm."
     Ever since someone had hung up the flyer at the veterinary office I had been talking myself into and out of  going.  Daniel Stewart is an international horse trainer that has coached riders to success in the World Equestrian Games and the Olympics.  He is an  internationally acclaimed author of "Ride Right" and considered one of the world's leading experts on equestrian sport psychology.      
     On one hand it was on Thursday night, right after work and I would be in a walking coma by that time.  He trains fancy show horse and riders and I am a trail rider that sometimes competes in the local horse shows where, on most occasions, my only competition is myself and the ground.  At one show, I was in the arena, all alone doing my solo routine when the announcer told me, and the rest of the competitors, over the loud speaker that all I had to do was not fall off.  Luckily I got the first place and beat the ground.
     On the other hand, this was a world class coach coming to our in-the-middle-of-nowhere town.  The flyer said "humorous and upbeat" which are pretty brave words to describe a two hour sport psychology seminar being held after work and before dinner at the end of the week. It also claimed that it would help me enjoy riding more by becoming a more confident and less distracted rider.  I could use all of that when riding a jittery Autumn in the woods. I decided to go.
    Daniel Stewart was great and had me cracking up throughout the seminar.  He gave us tips on how to deal with the stressful and unpredictable encounters we can experience as riders.  He gave us ideas on how to get ourselves pumped up to be in good moods, to stay positive and to stop thinking about that time your horse jumped to the side and as you were falling to meet the ground, in slow motion, you were trying to remember what your insurance deductible was and then wondered what the hell is a deductible anyway? And hoped that when you hit the ground that you wouldn't have to stay home from work because you couldn't afford to take any days off because you needed to buy a ton of hay that week and the shoer was coming that next week and....splat. 
   He told us to pick out a few songs to get yourself pumped up to be in a good, positive mood like "Don't Worry Be Happy" or "I like to Move it Move it".  I thought this would be easy as I scrolled through my IPod.  It was a little shocking when I realized I listened to a lot of depressing crap and Taylor Swift who basically just falls in or out of love in every song.  I turned on the radio in hopes of finding a catchy feel good song.  I tuned into the middle of a James Brown song... "You got to have the feeling. Get on up. Sure as born get on up.  Get on up. Get it together. Right on, right on." Yeah! I thought.  It was funky and sounded like a good getting on up and riding song.  As I was doing my funk bop in the car James Brown took me over the bridge and I realized my feel good riding song was Sexmachine...don't judge me.
   Daniel Stewart also said to find a "cue word".  This could be a couple letter word that you make into an acronym to help focus your mind off a stressor.  Some examples being: PAT Patience And Trust or BLAST Breathe Laugh And Smile Today.  Over the next few days I worked on my cue word and came up with B STILL...Breathe  Stop To Listen & Love.  I know, I forgot the "I" in Still but if you are a dedicated Jackson Hill Horsey Girl reader you already know that I don't have any spelling bee trophies sitting on my mantel.  I choose this misspelled acronym due the constant tornado sweeping through my thoughts all the time. 
     Daniel Stewart's seminar was over before I could yawn.  He armed me with ways to trade any bad thoughts for the best thoughts I could imagine.   He left us with one final thought,  "When you've done everything right and it still goes wrong remember to Laugh, Learn and Love."
    It was a  simple reminder of why we want to be around our horses. 
    Since the seminar, every time Autumn tenses up I Breathe, Stop thinking about deductibles, Listen to what Autumn is telling me and I Love that I'm riding my horse that is my best friend...all to the tune of Sexmachine. 

It amazes me how sometimes I'm not STLL and Autumn carries me right by scenes like this and  I totally miss it.  Not anymore.  This Sexmachine is taking time to Stop, Listen and Love every minute I have with Autumn.

   Thanks for reading.   If you would like to be added to my mailing list or would like to leave a comment please contact me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@aol.com .

Copyright (c) 2013 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com July 17, 2013

There Is No Spoon

   The fog wrapped around the morning as I led Autumn to the pasture before I had to rush off to and endless nine hours at work.  I took off her halter and hugged her and tried to send her a message, mentally, that she should wrap her head around me and give me a hug back.  In the past I have read books by all the horsey communication gurus out there (Margrit Coates Connecting with Horses, Linda Kohanov's The Tao of Equus, Carolyn Resnick's Naked Liberty, Liz Mitten Ryan's One With the Herd...)  To sum them all up they basically tell you to make a mental image of what you want to tell or ask your horse and if you get a thought in your mind, sort of out of the blue, that  that is your horse talking to you.  I would sit in Autumn's stall and practice the recommended exercises in the books with her and try to mentally "talk" to her.  The clearest message I ended up getting from Autumn was when she ripped one of the books out of my hand, sinking her teeth in it so hard that it indented the pages together.  I got the message loud and clear and shelved the books.
     So, there I was, hugging Autumn, picturing her wrapping her head around me in a perfect embrace. That's when she pulled her head up, breaking free of my smothering neediness.  She belly bumped me out of the way and farted as she passed by me.  


Autumn obviously, having better things to do then being brainwashed by her needy owner.

   I stood still as the minutes left me to be late to work.  I was thinking about what I had learned from Keanu Reeves in the movie The Matrix.  Actually,  don't think I learned anything but It reminded me of the scene when he watched some bald headed Buddha girl bend a spoon with her mind and he was like "Whoow".
    Then she was all "Don't bother to bend the spoon Keanu it's not going to happen."
    He's all "Huh?"
    Then the bald headed Buddha girl was like "Yeah you heard me.  There is no spoon."  
     Keanu was looking right at the spoon and you can totally see him thinking  I'm looking right at the spoon kiddo.  He rips the spoon at of her hands and then he gives her a look that says,  Check it out...I am like totally holding it in my hand now. Duh!
     Then she rolls her eyes and tells him to "Get bent."
     Keanu then holds up the spoon and intensely checks himself out in it's reflection and it sort of keels over. And he was like "Whoow."

This is the There is no Spoon clip from The Matrix.  It's just like I described it but you should watch it anyway.

     There is no spoon... I knew there was a message in there somewhere.  And then it hit me... I still don't know what the hell it means.  Bend yourself?  Do you need to know yoga for that?  I hate yoga.  As I was wrestling with this riddle I noticed Autumn walking towards me.

 

   I figured I was standing by a good patch of grass.  She didn't stop until she was standing with her head right above me.

 

Does someone need a hug?

   Then it happened.  The spoon bent.  I wrapped my arms around Autumn's neck and she let me hug her until my little heart was warm and content.  She patiently let me decide when to release my loving choke hold.  I was so glad I was late for work.


Thanks for reading!  Please send on to your friends if you enjoy my stories.  If you would like to be added to my email list or would like to leave comments please contact me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@aol.com. 


Copyright (c) 2013 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com July 10, 2013