A Good Reason to Quit

    Looking out the window I saw the green pickup truck pull in with the practice's biggest Nubian goat patient, sort of surf-balancing in the back.  Nubie, the goat, weighs in close to 250 pounds.  He was coming in for his routine pedicure.  Normally, Nubie sees our other doctor but on this day she was working in our southern office.  I told the doctor to forget about using his rose pruners which he normally uses for trimming goat hooves.  I told him to get out his horse hoof nippers and rasp.  I proceeded to tell him that we usually make Nubie lay down for his hoof trim as opposed to trying to pick each foot up at a time like we normally do for goats.  He gave me a raised eyebrow and the "okay Margaret" look but when he watched the gargantuan goat stomp into the barn he began to nod. 
   We led Nubie into a stall and he cooperated by laying down nice and calm.  In between trimming his hooves the doctor had to stop to roll up his sleeves.  As Nubie's owner and I pinned him down we chatted a bit.  His owner told us how Nubie has a very irritating paper eating addiction. 

This is my last bag I swear.  Tomorrow I will never eat paper again. 

  He said Nubie will assault the paper recycling bin, pigging out on its contents until it's empty.  But, he explained, Nubie has been plagued with a new addiction.  He picked up the nasty habit of smoking cigarettes.  He said that if someone walks past his farm and Nubie catches a whiff of some second hand smoke it makes him crazy.  He will charge the smoker down, head butt them, tear the cancer stick out of their hands and swallow it while it's still burning. 


Gotta light?

   The owner doesn't quite know what to do about it.  A 250 pound goat mowing people down to bum a smoke is a bit of a liability.  I told him that Nubie could quite possibly be the next big quit smoking method.  Some people quit by hypnosis why not quit by a monster goat chasing them down, running them over, ripping the bad habit right out of their bare hands with his teeth, chewing the flaming addiction right in their face, then spitting the slobbery tobacco cud back into  their faces.  I bet it would cause enough night terrors to convince them never to want to smoke again.
   As for trying to get Nubie to kick the habit...

What?  You want my ID?   I just ate it.  Of course I'm over 18!  Look at my beard.
 

...the doctor recommended the patch.

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Copyright (c) 2012 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com October 24, 2012