The "It's As Bad As It Sounds" Job

There is only one procedure at the veterinary hospital I work at that I really don't like doing and that's when I have to be...the ejaculator assistant. Yeah, it's as bad as it sounds.  So, what does an ejaculator assistant do?  Well, in a nut shell, I have to take a torpedo shaped rubber device that is the length and size of your forearm and insert it into a bull's behind.  When it is in place, the ejaculator will stimulate him and  cause him to ejaculate. The doctor will then collect the semen sample and look at it under the microscope to assess the semen's shape, count how many are present and see if they're skooting around like normal semen should. Who cares about all that?  Bull buyers, that's who. Buying and selling good breeding stock bulls is a serious business.  People spend a lot money on these animals and rely on them to breed their cows and produce viable offspring.  When they spend that kind of money they want to make sure those boys aren't shooting blanks.  With their bulls semen tested, owners can show potential buyers the test results and guarantee that their bull's "guns are fully loaded".
When I do this procedure I always feel like I'm going at the bull with an "only one thing on my mind" approach as I stick that thing up his rear end and stimulate him without even getting to know him first. I usually try to take my lunch or pass that procedure on to someone else when I see it on the appointment book. But there's no getting out of it when Betty and Bud make an appointment. Betty and Bud, who are in their 80's, raise black Angus bulls and steers that they sell locally and haul to sales.  I've driven by and seen the two of them tossing hay out the back of their pick up during massive winter rainstorms feeding their cattle.  I've watched Bud hooking up irrigation pipes in their pastures during the summer months.  Together they fix fences, move cattle and they'll even drive six hours south, after feeding in the morning, to sell a few bulls, then turn right around to make it home in time to feed that same night.  Those two are some movers and shakers. 
Betty and Bud, well, they took a liking to me and when they want to bring their bulls in to be semen tested they won't let anyone assit the doctor but me. Those two think that I'm pretty special and have that je ne sais quoi...that certain something... to make their bulls prove to the world that they are all BULL.  If I'm not going to be at work on the day they want an appointment, they will hold off and make it for a day that I will be there. If I call in sick because I drank too much tequila the night of my 31st birthday and they have an appointment... I take handful of aspirin, chug some Gatorade and I drag my butt to the office for their appointment, stimulate their bulls then crawl back home and die. 
I always enjoy chatting with them in between ejaculating their bulls.  Bud will talk about his time in England during WWII.   Betty always dressed nicely with her hair done and makeup on, will watch over the doctor's shoulder as he measures their bull's scrotum size. They will tell me about their little date nights out to hear music and suggest some places I should check out.  It's always real nice to be around a couple of folks who have stayed together all these years and are still in love.  
You should see the two of them when a bull happens to blow a big load of crap in my face.  They think it's the funniest thing.  It gets even better for them when I try to wipe the poop off my face with my sleeve that I didn't realize had more poop on it and end up smearing more poop all over my face. I've been afraid they might drop dead from laughing so hard when that has happened.  It always cracks me up seeing those two hard working old folks lighten up. 
When my job as assistant ejaculator is done for the day, I give the bull a pat on the butt and apologize to him for being so forward.  Then I go look for something to wipe the poop off my face and call it a day.

Thanks again to everyone who has donated to the HERO Ride for Life Cancer Fundraiser Autumn and I are doing on Saturday May 7th.  There's still time to make a donation if you haven't had a chance yet.  Just email me at jacksonhillhorseygirl@gmail.com for where to send the donation.  You guys have really been generous and Autumn & I thank you so much!

If you would like to be added to the Jackson Hill Horsey Girl mailing list to be notified for new postings, please email me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@gmail.com

Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com

The Sea Shore Through Autumn's Eyes

Autumn's mane dancing up in the wind  like flames in a flickering fire.

Just like any kid, Autumn loves the beach. When we go down the road and head towards Cindy's house Autumn's ears perk up.  That's when she decides to take over and drag me past the gate and up to Cindy's horse trailer.  Cindy can barely get the ramp of the trailer down before Autumn, with me still in tow, will load herself up. After she squeezes herself in a space made for two normal sized horses, she has to sniff Syria, her BFFH (best friend forever horse), over before she buries her head into her hay bag and then...she's ready to rock and roll.  Half an hour later the two BFFHs are rolling around in the sand.  One day when the horses decided to roll with us on top of their backs, Cindy and I quickly made a new rule... always let the horses roll before we ride not when we ride.  1850 pounds of Autumn rolling around on top of you is not a day at the beach, so I think it's a great rule.

Autumn loving life...for some reason she looks like a baby pony rolling around in this photo.

Two weekends ago we finally got a break in the weather and Cindy, me and the BFFH's were back on the beach.  The sun reflected the clouds and blue sky on the glazed wave washed sand.  Autumn stepped on the clouds and into the waves.  She marched into the surf, waves breaking at her knees and stopped to watch some men digging for clams.  She blinked at them thoughtfully her head following them as they poked around in the sand for clams.  She lost interest in the clamers and sloshed back onto the beach to investigate some beached logs.  Conveniently for Autumn, this tree that had been swept down a river, into the ocean and was now washed up on the beach was just the perfect thing to scratch an itch on her chin. With her itch scratched she decided that she wanted to cut through the dunes and follow the river.  She blinked and wondered at a flock of bathing seagulls that fluttered, splashed and squawked in the river. 

The river followed us back to the ocean and the horses began to dance underneath us.  "Well?" I asked Cindy. 

"Yeah!" said Cindy.

Syria and Autumn knew what we were talking about and we were off! The horses raced down the beach with Cindy and I yippy-yi-yay'ing past the breaking surf.  Autumn held her pace while I leaned back in the saddle and watched the clouds canter away from me.  As the horses began to slow Cindy and I were already talking about how this was one of the greatest rides ever. 

Then Autumn stopped.  Why are you stopping girl?  She seemed alright, I gave her a little leg to urge her forward but nothing, she wouldn't budge. She was staring very intently at something but there wasn't anything down the beach except crow close by eating a gangley clam.  She lowered her head all the way to the sand, making herself as tiny as possible and then began to inch her way toward him.  She was just a nose away from touching him before he hopped off a few steps.  Again she tipped toed toward him and right before she could touch him he hopped off again.  When he started to fly a little distance away that's when she got real excited and she would be after him again.   This went on in a zig zag pattern down beach for quite a few minutes before he had enough.  He flew back to his clam and Autumn turned to watch her little buddy go.  We headed back as the clouds began to blow over us. The wind caught a hold of Autumn's mane and made it dance up like flames in a flickering fire.  What a fun day it was having Autumn take me along with her for a day at the sea shore.

Thank you  to everyone that has made a donation for the HERO RIDE FOR LIFE Fundraiser Horse Back Ride to Support the American Cancer Society!  You guys have been so generous!  We're half way to our goal of raising $1,000.  If you would like to make a donation email me at jacksonhillhorseygirl@gmail.com . 
To learn more about our ride read our blog http://jacksonhillhorseygirl.blogspot.com/2011/04/riding-for-cure-for-cancer.html.   Thanks for your support! Margaret & Autumn

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Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com

Sundays with Autumn

I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to read my stories and  for all your great comments & emails.  They are so encouraging and keep me writing!  If you are new to the blog and would like to be on my email list just send your email to jacksonhillhorseygirl@gmail.com (all emails will be kept confidential)

Okay...Now I'm going to beg, again, for donations for the relay ride to raise money for the American Cancer Society on Saturday May 7^th 2011 that Autumn and I are going to do.  Read more about it and how to make a donation on my blog: http://jacksonhillhorseygirl.blogspot.com/2011/04/riding-for-cure-for-cancer.html.  Thanks!

Okay Now The Story....

Sundays With Autumn

If you were to show up at the barn on a Sunday morning, you wouldn't be surprised to hear Sunday Morning Baroque blasting off the crappy alarm clock radio in the feed room.  And you wouldn't be surprised to see me sitting in a lawn chair in Autumn's stall sipping on a cup of tea while reading or writing in my journal with Autumn eating contentedly beside me.  Sometimes, when the weather gets nice, I'll open Autumn's stall door and drag my chair after her as she decides which greener pasture to graze in.

The above photo was taken from my lawn chair this past Sunday.  I was keeping myself busy writing in my journal when I just sort of spaced out.  The sun was warm on our spot on the mountain and the rawness of the winter rains evaporated around us.  The south wind swayed the pine boughs into a rolling hula dance.  Below us, the clouds sat and rested on the town,  in a sleep-in-a-little-later fog.  New grass glowed.  The first normally nuisance blooming weed of the spring, Milkweed, looked like the prettiest pale purple and yellow flowers I had ever seen. Eight different melodies harmonized around us from the newly returned songbirds hidden in their trees.  
The songs, the wind, the grass, the flowers, me in my lawn chair with Autumn happily grazing beside me above the clouds I thought  "man, this is the life!" 
Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com

The First Ride

This is one of our first few rides!

The days grew shorter on the ranch as fall drew near, bringing with it Autumn's 3rd birthday.  The once overflowing heart-shaped pond had dried up into a lumpy looking potato.  As summer passed Autumn and I watched the purple forest clover stop itself in the shadows of the redwoods, as a carpet of sunshiny buttercups spread itself across the meadows, which eventually fell underneath waving oceans of daises. Prickly purple thistles pushed their way through August and were lost in the Queen Anne's Lace of early fall that tried it's hardest to dress up the dry and dusty landscape.  The cool autumn breezes rattled the skeletons of the headless thistles in the song of the coming winter rains. In lace patterned sunlight, I would walk with Autumn under the trees daydreaming about someday riding her in the forest we now walked.
Then one night I just sort of walked into my dream...
It was around 8pm when I found myself driving home (before I lived on the ranch) one night after a long day of taking a class and running errands.  I wasn't planning on stopping at the ranch but as I was passing the exit I thought "what the hell?".  I pulled up to the barn, grabbed a pocket knife and skirted down the dark, little path that led to the pasture, hoping that there weren't any mountain lions ready to pounce and rip the paranoia right out of me.  It was foggy but the meadow glowed under the white light of the moon, three days shy of being full. 
I whispered for Autumn, not wanting to disturb the stillness of the night.  My plan was not to go into the woods to find her if she wasn't in the meadow.  I wandered around starting to give up hope as I drew near to the forest's edge. But then...I faintly saw the blaze on Autumn's face floating towards me silently as if the moonlight was drawing her out of the darkness to me.  Her eyes held more light than the moon and the excitement of being with my horse spread over me.  She stood next to me on the hillside while the little girl inside me, who had watched the "Black Stallion" probably more times than is healthy, grabbed a handful of mane and attempted to swing a leg over her back.  Well...that night I discovered that I was no John Wayne when it came to swinging up on to a horse...  I ended up giving the poor girl a good kick in the side.  Despite my unintentional abuse, Autumn stood there with the forgiving patience of a saint.  I decided to spare her another beating, gave her a hug and we headed for the gate.  
We were half way across the meadow when Autumn stopped next to a slight embankment on the hillside.  She lined herself right below me in perfect sliding-a-leg-over-her-back position...and that's what I did!  I got on my baby horse Autumn!  There we were in the middle of a dream.  I almost pinched myself but when Autumn turned and touched each of my dangling feet, I knew that it wasn't a dream.   On her own she decided to take us for a walk and I held on to her mane the way a child holds onto their mother's skirt for security. 
After a little ways, she stopped walking to check out my legs again and even bit my shoe.  I sat there then and I sit here now and I can still feel her big warm body beneath me.  I leaned down, hugged her big giant neck and rested my face in the waves of her moon lit mane.   All around us in the glow of the fog, I rode my best friend Autumn in the clouds of a real life dream.  She walked us to the pasture gate, where I gave her one last hug and stole every second on her to keep forever in my memories.  I slid off of her reluctantly, not wanting that first ride to ever end.  When my feet touched the ground I bounced around like like a teeny bopper at a Justin Bieber concert. With Autumn at my side we headed up the hill to the barn together, the two of us sparkling from our adventure in the clouds.

Thanks to everyone who has been taking the time to read my blogs! I really love all the comments! Keep them coming!
If you would like to be on my blog mailing list email me at jacksonhillhorseygirl@gmail.com .  And, please pass the blog on to anyone you think might like it.
 I finally figured out how to make it easier for people to leave a comment.  Now all you have to do is to is go to "Post a comment"at the end of the post.  Write your comment, go to "Comment as" click on the box next to it and it gives you a few choices.  The easiest choices are at the bottom "name/URL" or "Anonymous".  You'll have to unscramble a word (helps cut down on spam).  Then "Post" the comment. 

Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com

Riding for a Cure for Cancer

Hi!

            Autumn and I are going to do a relay ride to raise money for the American Cancer Society on Saturday May 7^th 2011.  The event is called the Hero Ride For Life which is put on by HERO, the Hope Equestrian Relay Organization.  Autumn and I will ride with about 6 other girls, on their noble steeds, and we will take turns riding around the Ferndale Fairgrounds Racetrack for the entire day. The goal of the HERO Ride For Life is to raise money, all of which will go to the American Cancer Society, to aid in finding a cure for cancer.  We all know someone who has had cancer or you may have had it yourself…this is why Autumn and I think that it is so important to raise money to help find a cure.

            I am asking you for a donation of any amount…it could be as little as $1 or it could be as much as the national debt.  Anything will help.  Autumn and I would like to raise at least $1,000 through all of our friends generous donations.  The donation is tax deductible.  If you would like to learn more about the ride you can visit www.herorideforlife.com. 

     If you would like to make a donation please email me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@gmail.com for information on where to send it.

Thank you so much for supporting Autumn and I as we try to help raise money to find a cure for stinking cancer!

Sincerely,

Margaret & Autumn

Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com