Aisle 8

   Like most sisters, Katy and I have a lot in common.  We love the same crappy movies, we hate talking on the phone, we love to eat even when we are full, we love all animals especially baby animals.  We raise our pets like they are our kids.  We shared the same womb...  As it turns out we share one other thing in common,  getting hit on by guys in the feminine aisle at the drug store.  I don't know if it is the irresistible feminine aisle genetics we share but apparently when it's that time of the month and we turn down aisle 8 we are nothing but enchanting.


Guess what happened on aisle 8, again?
Is it that time of the month again or is that just Margaret & Katy?

    Katy was the first to realize our siren's song.  It was that time of the month when she needing what she was reaching for on the shelf on aisle 8 when someone sauntered up behind her.  She turned around to a homeboy with his straight brimmed baseball hat screwed on his head crooked.  "Yo, word up shorty?" My sister doesn't remember if she answered but homeboy cut right to the chase.  "You got yourself  a man?" 
    Holding her feminine product in frozen shock/embarrassment she said she had a boyfriend.  Still not deterred by the girl he hunted down in the feminine aisle holding her time of the month product, he said, "I ain't see no ring on your finger!" Man or monthly visitor was not enough stop this homeboy from leaving aisle 8 alone.  
    "I'm good. Thanks anyway."  She said as she dropped her product and somehow made it out of the store without being kidnapped.  Homeboy had found a guaranteed  hot spot to pick up vulnerable chicks.  So what he has to carry a supply of Extra Strength Midol with him at all times?  Homeboy apparently doesn't mind running to the corner store to get ice cream and then watching Matthew Mcconaughey chick flicks for a week until he can get some action. 
    Katy and I thought that gem of an attempted pick up was never to be rivaled but last week it was.  On my lunch break I  pulled into the drug store to hit up... aisle 8.  I got out of my car the same time as another guy was getting out of his.  He donned a clean cut homeboy look as he proceeded to check me out like I was some kind of super model and not some girl dressed in Carhartt work pants with cow crap on the leg wearing a red vest with horsey snot blown across it with my hair sticking up like I just put my finger in the socket.  I gave the look around the parking lot and it was just me.  I let him go into the store first and went in behind him.  I B-lined it to that-time-of-the-month aisle.  As I was turning down the aisle I was cut off.  Swaggering in front of me was that guy in the parking lot.  "I like your car."  He said, as he made a gun with his hand cocking the end of the finger barrel to his neck.  I was frozen.  Then I saw what he was aiming at.  It was a tattoo of a Honda logo. 
    "Oh"  I said.  "Nice tattoo." 
    He flashed a big smile and said "You have a great day, alright?"  He gave me the that's right nod and strutted to the pharmacy.  I don't know if he was hitting on me or my Honda Civic. I was under the impression that all men view the feminine aisle as no man's land.  I thought that the only reason men venture down aisle 8 is because their woman have threatened their lives to go get them what they need.  Not anymore.  There are a few pioneers bravely going where no man has gone before...Aisle 8.

Me and my homeboy, homeboy dog and my babe mobile...the Honda Civic Ranch Model.



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Copyright (c) 2013 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com January 30, 2013

An Unusual Cure For Phone Trauma

     It was only 1:00 and I was hitting the wall.  I was trying to hang up the phone at work, at the veterinary hospital, when it started ringing again in my hand.  All morning, I was under siege by  the ringing phone firing at me like rapid machine gun fire.  The calls assaulted me with "how much?", "how to?",  "I don't want to spend any money or bring it in what can I do?"  questions.  Statements stabbed into me such as "I can't", "I won't!",  "The animal isn't worth it",  "I need it now",  "I need it yesterday"...  I have no problem handling these types of calls professionally but, on this day, I was by myself and it was just non stop. 
    I took a deep breath before answering in as cheerful at a voice my throbbing head would belch out.   The caller said "I was just calling to get a price for an examination on a donkey."  Okay, so this was starting off simple enough. 
    "What is the exam needed for?"  I asked.
       "Well, I need to get an exam to see if my hermaphrodite miniature donkey is healthy."
     "Oh, wow.  That would be just a standard exam...I think."   The caller went on to explain that our doctor had gone out there about two years ago when it was foaled.  That is when they made the discovery that this was a colt and filly foal all wrapped up into one long eared little body.   The owner's original plan was to sell his little donkey. When it was born a hermaphrodite he didn't feel comfortable selling it to someone, worrying that it would have some kind of medical complications and would die on them. 
    He said that he had some gay friends and they decided that the mini donkey could march in  a LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) parade as their mascot.   They even came up with tee shirts to sell that would have a picture of his donkey on it and would read "I'm proud to have a hermaphroditic ass!"  We were cracking up  making plans for the little donkey to tour the world hee-hawing his/her message of acceptance for the LGBT community and for all the hermaphroditic donkeys out there! 

 

     He didn't book the appointment that day, he just wanted to price it out first and would call back with a date.   Without a headache,  I hung up the phone.  I decided right then and there that when he made his appointment that I was going to join the doctor to meet this future mini donkey he-her hawing advocate.

I'd like to thank my friend Gay, who is also a client at the veterinary office, for the amazing oil painting she did of Autumn.   I shall treasure it forever!  It really has Autumn's sparkle captured in it!  Gay is such a talented painter!

Thank you for reading and for all the great comments that you leave!  They are so encouraging!  If you would like to leave a comment or would like to be added to my mailing list please email me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@aol.com.

Copyright (c) 2013 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com January 23, 2013

Things I Would Never See

     I shaved the fur around Autumn's right hind stifle joint, trying to make it as smooth as possible for her  ultrasound recheck exam. Three months have passed since she was diagnosed with an injury to her medial meniscus in her stifle.  The injury presented itself as a limp at the trot and a swollen bulge over the joint. After a thorough examination with x-rays and an ultrasound the doctor said no riding and no strenuous exercise for the next few months until the next recheck.  At the time he opted not to preform any invasive procedures in order to see how much healing she could do on her own.  He did decide to start her on a regime of intravenous Legend to help stimulate the production of healthy joint fluid and to decrease inflammation and damage in the joint.
    Over the next three months, Autumn had her good days and bad.  After witnessing her in the pasture at feeding time not chasing down the rancher and ripping bales of hay off the back of his trailer and instead  waiting patiently for him to loop around to toss some hay at her hooves my heart stopped.  Autumn not running for food!?!  I knew she was in pain.  I then had to confine her to a small pen where she did not have to walk far for her water and food.  After a few weeks of rest in the small pen combined with her Legend injections working their magic she made it loud and clear that she was ready to go back out to pasture by literally dragging me to it by the end of her rope.  
     Since riding was out of the question we took a lot of walks around the ranch during her layoff.   Memories of when I first got her at 10 months old returned.  Too young to ride her back then, we discovered every trail we could find in the redwoods of Jackson Hill Ranch.  I forgot how fun it was just to be with her.  I love riding her but I sit so far up on her I feel a little out of reach with her.  I mean I can feel what she is doing and she listens to my cues but when I  walk next to her I feel more with her.  I can watch her blinking her brown eyes at curious little things around her.  She will nudge me along, sometimes taking me somewhere that she would like to go.  Being next to her, she is able to show me what she is thinking about.  It's nothing like I have swirling in my mind.  She will stop and listen to the wind washing through the pine boughs above.  She has stopped me in front of the crescent moon in the middle of the sky while dawn stretches awake its pink and peach glow behind the mountains.   

Autumn watches the moon wake up the morning.

She would stop to drink from the new winter flowed creeks.  She would eavesdrop on the cackling crow couple chatting to each other from across the tree strands and then wait to watch them fly to each other.  She has made me see things I would never see. 
    After two hours of re-examination, the doctor concluded that she had made quite a bit of progress.  She was not  as lame and the swelling had gone down quite a bit.  He gave us permission to start light riding and just gage it by how well she handles it.  When he gave us the good news I was surprised how totally excited I wasn't.  I was one hundred gazillion percent happy that she was healing and feeling better but there was a funny feeling when I thought about riding again.  I know that once I get back in the saddle I sort of get addicted to being on her back and tend to shrug off just walking along beside her.  I was afraid that I might miss all of those little moments she had been sharing with me in her life.  I was afraid I would miss her showing me all those things to remember.  I made a decision to make sure I allot time to ride and not ride her in the future.  But I have to admit....The first thing we did after that appointment was to go for a ride.


First ride back on top!





And we both thought it was great!

Thanks for reading!  If you would like to be added to my mailing list to receive the latest blog posts or to leave a comment please contact me at Jacksonhillhorseygirl@aol.com.

Copyright (c) 2013 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com January 16, 2013