Job Security

For most people, job security is dependent upon the economy, employee work skills, current business conditions and/or if your protected by a union.  At the veterinary office my job security usually falls...make that...plops on the ground.


Job Security...it happens.



Poop, pee, pus, blood, hay, pizza, salami and the occasional testicle falling from somewhere for me to clean up makes me an important team player at the office.  The poop, pee, bodily fluids in general, are a normal part of the job but when things start showing up out of nowhere...now that's when it becomes unusual. 
I was out in one of the pens cleaning up after a horse that had left for the day.  I was in my space out mode, dumping buckets, scooping poop, enjoying the sunshine and not answering the phones when something pink fell from the sky.  Down at my feet was a horse testicle.  I looked up at the sky, turned in a 360 degree circle, then stopped and looked at the testicle laying at my feet.  I didn't hear the weather forecast that day but I'm sure it wasn't sunny with a slight chance of testicle.  My best guess was that one of our local crows snatched it up during the castration surgery we did outside earlier. He must have grabbed it when we were finishing up the procedure and saved it to drop it on my head later. 
On another occasion,  I was getting the office open for the day when I heard some scratching above me in the surgery room.  I looked up at the sky light and this bloody, gooey looking thing was splattered on it.  I tried to stop myself from taking a second look but I can't help watching a good train wreck so I did.  There pecking and tearing into it was a big black crow.  He lifted it in his beak and right before I thought I was going to throw up in my mouth I was able to get a better look at what it was.  It was...a slice of pizza...with peperoni on it.  At eight in the morning I had no idea where he found an open pizza place.  Maybe it was one of those take and bake pizzas.  I was just glad it wasn't guts and I didn't have to climb up on the roof on the piece of crap rickety ladder to clean it up.
The fattest little pygmy goat came in for a visit to the office one day for a routine check up.  The doctor was running a little late from an appointment out in the country so we put the little guy in a stall for the meantime.  The owners stayed close by their little house pet's side until their appointment was finished.  After they left, I went out to the barn to tidy up.  As I entered the stall my eyes immediately noticed meaty looking clumps in the corner.  He was just here for a check up I thought.  Did I totally space out that they were doing some kind of surgery?  I approached the clumps with trepidation.  What the heck was that?  I bent down lower and realized that I was looking at sliced salami, Fig Newtons and biscotti.  Not the usual suspects found in a stall of grazing animal.  I went in the office and asked the doctor if she knew what was up with the picnic left in the barn.  She said that the owners kept the chubby little goat in the house and he ate everything they did. The wife baked him cakes, fed  him Twinkies, steak, pizza, crackers, gourmet cookies... The crows around the office would love to live with that family!  The doctor advised them that a diet of this nature was not safe for a goat or for a human for that matter.  I guess they took the doctors advice because he hasn't been back for high blood pressure yet.
So, as long as there is poop to scoop, testicles falling from the sky and goat picnics to clean up...it looks like my job is safe.

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Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com

Swimming in Shangri-La

Dipping our feet in the river and sunshine.



Following our mountain down to it's beginnings will take you to the river.  During the winter it bloats, becoming irritable with the incessant rains that force it to gush into the raging pacific.  With the arrival of summer the river slows and calmly strolls itself out to sea.  It's waters shallow and the swimming holes warm.  Cindy and I rode the girls on it's banks on a quest to find "the path" that would lead us to the rumored Shangri-La swimming hole to swim the horses.  It took a few rides until we  found it.  It was a small, overgrown bridle path that led up the steep river's bank.  An abandoned dirt road met us at the top of the bank and led us beside the river.  We strolled through a tunnel of redwood trees with the river sparkling at us between their trunks. Eventually, we found a path that led us to a huge sand bar on the river. 


No traffic here.

Paradise!  That's all I can say.  No cars, no radios, no phones, no parking lots, no people...  Just Cindy, Syria, her dog Cassey, Me and Autumn.  There we were, all alone on a cobble rocked river wrapped around by forested mountains and and blue skies.  When we got over the stunning beauty of this place we took the horses to the edge of the watering hole.  Autumn was happy going in up to her armpits but that was it.  I slid off her back and swam in and called for her to come out...



First swim!

...and out she swam.  She blew little bubbles out as she horsey paddled across the swimming hole.  She would swim a lap, get out, come back in, roll in the shallow section, swim out...  She did this a few times and then when she got to the middle she decided to rest... and stopped swimming... and then... she sank.  Time drowned away from me as I watched her slip away from me without a single thing in the world I could do to save my best friend's life.  I can still remember her eyes looking up to me with the glass surface of the water sinking us further and further apart.  I grabbed her halter and pulled.  She began to struggle. Through her struggling she began to kick and then she instantly sprang up to the surface just like that!  She made it back to shore where she began to snort out water and tried to shake the water out of her flopping ears. I apologized for asking her to follow me out there.  I smothered her in hugs and kisses and told her I would never ask her to do that ever again. After a little while she  began to eat grass and that's when I knew she would be okay.

Poor girl!

I thought for sure that this would be the first and last time I'd ever swim with Autumn.  I would never blame her for being terrified of the water for the rest of her life. I was terrified!  As my heart was trying to make it's way back into my chest, Autumn made it perfectly clear as to what to expect in the future...



Autumn getting back in the saddle.



As I floated out in the swimming hole my amazing giant brave baby Autumn came back out in the water! She horsey paddled around me and after a bit she let me swim onto her back.  It's a funny thing to swim on a horse.  You aren't able to sit on their back with gravity holding you in place as it normally does when you ride on the land.  Instead, you sort of float above them.  All I could really do was just hold onto her mane and just sort of follow along with her.  I felt like her little angel floating above her (but an angel still riddled with the guilt of almost being her angel of death louring her to a watery grave a few minutes earlier).  She carried me up the bank and we dried in the sunshine of  paradise until it was time to go back up the mountain.

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Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com

The Tales of The Metropolitan Redneck Sisters Part 2-EASTER

Easter was upon us and it was a reminder that I only had two weekends left with my sister, Katy, before she moved back to New York.  Since, this was going to be our last holiday with her and, her man, Kevin being California residents, we decided we were going to make it one to remember.   I decorated the trailer with bunnies, baskets, sparkly eggs and chicks.  We bought fancy Easter outfits at the same store we picked up the Easter egg coloring kits and cat liter.  We were making plans for the egg hunt when  Katy said, "You know, I really love throwing eggs, I wish we could throw them instead of find them." 
"Okay." I said.
"What do you mean?"
"Let's chuck them.  Why not?  Let's have an Easter egg chuck instead of a hunt.:" 
Katy looked like I had told her that I was giving her a new car on Easter.
The prime rib was roasting in the oven as our guests arrived. We poured the whiskey and beer and drank as we colored  the eggs. The spirit of  Easter buzzed  inside of us as we went about setting up "The Most Amazing Ultimate BB Gun Shooting Obstacle Course on Earth."  Pink plastic flamingos, beer cans, eggs, dog toys, avocados and such were positioned or hung about the yard as targets.  The course was designed to be shot at in a specific order.  You would get two shots per target and if you missed you were aloud to call on three life lines which were: 1) You could get closer to your target. 2) You could get one more hail Mary shot. 3)  You could call up a redneck and ask them for some strategy suggestions. 

Easter at the Trailer

 We blew the place apart. 

The Carnage



When there was nothing left to shoot Katy and I grabbed the last carton of eggs and set out to make her dreams finally come true. 



Opening Pitch



We pelted the forest like high schoolers on Halloween.  Yolk slid  like snot down the tree trunks as we double high fived each other. 

Out of eggs and ammo, we all squeezed into the trailer and ate dinner until we couldn't move. Then we ate dessert until we felt like we were going to die.  I decided to put on a chick flick for us all to enjoy and that's when everyone decided to go home.

I don't know who won the "The Most Amazing Ultimate BB Gun Shooting Obstacle Course on Earth" competition that day but, it wasn't about winning.  No.  You can ask anyone of us that day...it was about the celebration of Easter...and it was about the celebration about  family.

 

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Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com

The Tales of the Metropolitan Redneck Sisters Part 1

My sister left her job three weeks before the date she planned to move back to New York.  When that last day of work ended that's when my mega, squeeze-something-in-for every-second-of-the-day-left-with-your-sister-that-you-can, itinerary kicked in. 

Our first adventure drove us through and high above the giant old redwood trees to the open meadows of the Bald Hills.  Vultures sailed elegantly above us as we followed the road to the highest peak.  Luciano  Pavarotti sang to us from the radio with his notes serenading the rolling green meadows floating in the sea blue sky.  We pulled over and sound-of-music twirled ourselves out of the car and hills-are-alive sang ourselves up to the mountain's peak. The whole while the snow capped Trinity Alps sat on the horizon in happy audience to be celebrated by two major babes.

 

Wait  Julie Andrews??? No...  Katy?



No.  No.  No....Katy???  Wait, wait, wait..Julie Andrews?

Spun dizzy, we flopped down and watched the lazy cloud shadows slide silently over the hills.  We couldn't believe a place this peaceful was able to still exist in a world held captive by cell phones and instant everything technology constantly buzzing into our lives, holding our attention hostage.  We walked through those meadows leaving memories tangled in the blowing spring grasses.  The clouds that day would float into our conversations for years to come.  With Katy leaving for New York and being so far from having a quick cup of tea in the middle of the day away...I never wanted to leave that mountain meadow...ever.  But, we had walked and spun ourselves enough that day to earn ourselves a milkshake and it was time to go.

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Copyright (c) 2011 Jacksonhillhorseygirl.com