Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Bucking Bathroom

   I had just fed the horses and was sweeping up when I heard a strange swoosh, swoosh sound coming from outside.  I walked out and looked around the side of the barn.  The porta potty, which normally sits, still, on a concrete slab on the edge of a hill, was lurching itself off the side.  In bewilderment I watched the bucking bathroom, that was in desperate need of a servicing, begin to do the toilet timber.  I envisioned what that thing would look like on the inside after it made landfall. My living nightmare was interrupted when I saw a white tipped tail poke out the bottom.
    Lilly, my dog, was wedged underneath the thing and was trying to get out.  She wiggled her way out just as it was tilting past the point of no return.  I ran over and braced myself against the crapper.  I pulled out my cell phone and speed dialed my husband.  I got his voicemail.  I told him "Houston we have a problem.  The shitter is about to hit the hill, call me back." 
    I was on my own.  I tried shoving it back on the slab but it was just kept catching itself.  I  pushed on each corner, one at a time until inch by inch I got the john standing back at full attention. 
Standing tall.
    As I was patting myself on the back, Lilly ran past me and shoved her head back under the throne.  She was going after a mouse!  I grabbed her by the back legs and drug her out.  I only had one restroom rescue in me for the day.  She got a time out from the toilet while I called the porta potty company to come and clean the commode.


Leave the mice to the cats Lilly. 

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